The frienemy within

Munroe

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Frienemies.

We all have them. Those questionable friends that also occasionally double as enemies. Whether it’s a case of the 'ex-boyfriend snatching best friend' or the 'loose-lipped gossip confidante', we've all been there and gotten the mini-tee. A very wise man once told me that a friend should either be pretty, witty or influential... however a best friend should always be all three. Nevertheless, in a world where networking is now second nature, has the company that we keep become purely determined by what we can get out of it? Are we all guilty of being silent players in this game of platonic politics?

Recently I attended a charity fundraiser thrown by one of my favorite frienemies (who due to the nature of this article will be referred to as 'S'). A glamourous, rich and successful old school-friend with a tendency to overuse the word 'fabulous', S is the quintessential kind of girl that gay guys love to love but girls love to hate. She’s the impeccable embodiment of what I like to call a 'hot mess' or 'all fur coat and no knickers' as the older generation might say.

Anyway, two hours and four glasses of Bollinger later, the frienemy within me began to rear its ugly head.

Tipsy, yet truthful I turned to my plus one and sighed "why the hell am I even here... and why do I insist on keeping in touch with this awful woman?"

But it then occurred to me... S wasn't my frienemy, I was hers! Suddenly the Champers wasn't sitting so well. Could it be that the only reason I keep in touch with her is because it looks good for my own character? And if so, what does this say about me and all my other friendships?

Yes, S may be a loud, attention-seeking super-blonde but at least she's doing something with her life. Feeling like a total fraud, I began to make my way across the room to congratulate the hostess on a "fabulous evening, darling", also making sure to announce my faux-surprise at her "fabulous" outfit. "Is that the Herve Leger tank dress? Wow, it looks fabulous on you!" - even though it was ill fitting and a nasty clash with her fake tan and freckled shoulders. GREAT! Now I'm fake AND a frienemy!

"So how have you been?" I went on to ask enthusiastically, hoping that she hasn't noticed my obvious disinterest throughout the night. "Yeah, great" she replies, "but I'd be even better if everyone just went the fuck home! But you know, give a little, look like you give a shit and people tend to hate you less." Suddenly I begin to feel a lot better. I give S a kiss on each cheek and told her to "hang in there, you're doing fab." With a wink and a knowing hair-flip, S mouths the words 'HELP ME' in my direction as she saunts back to entertain her guests.

Later whilst walking back to my friends, I can’t help but grin to myself, put at ease by the imperfection of a perfect hostess. Be it 'frienemies' or 'friends', both of us were supporting a good cause that night, regardless of any ulterior motives. So I guess it's true that we quietly all are platonic politicians; that things aren't always how they seem even with the best of intentions. But as long as you get the 'frien' bit right, the 'emy' bit usually takes care of itself. The bitch will out... it's good for the soul.

XOXO Munroe